Everybody can use a little relationship advice. Even those of us who are married and in long-term relationships can stand to brush up on our communication skills and inject a little bit more spark into our relationships. But if you’re a woman currently trying to find the man of your dreams, you might feel like you need way more than a little relationship advice — you’re probably looking for a lot of relationship advice, specifically advice about attracting men.
You’ve probably read a bunch of self-help books and magazines and you might have learned a few things. That’s great. But where’s your man? If all you’re doing is reading about how to attract men but you’re not actually making an effort to meet any, you’re going to be single for a long, long time. This brings us to the golden rule of attracting men: be available.
Put yourself into situations where you can meet and talk to different people. Instead of sitting at your desk for lunch, take your lunch out to a park and enjoy it on a bench or picnic table. Consider eating your lunch in an intimate cafe or corner diner where you can sit at the counter and people watch. Join a meetup group or take a few girlfriends out for a wine and paint night or similar social event. What you’re looking for is a relaxed setting where it’s easy to strike up a conversation.
But once you’re there, strike up that conversation. And remember, although you’re trying to meet men to date, don’t discount the women you meet. Not only could a woman you meet connect you with a man she knows, but she can be a lifesaver: say you do meet a man and he turns out to be a total creep. Maybe she can warn you about him beforehand or, if you find yourself in an uncomfortable situation with a guy, a quick text from her can be your out. A smart woman surrounds herself with a network of other smart women. Never discount the value these ladies add to your life.
Conversations should flow naturally. Don’t go up to a guy and ask him about his opinions on the Brexit or Donald Trump — that will just send him walking away from you at a brisk pace. Instead, make a comment about something relevant to the moment, such as how you’re excited to be a member of the meetup group or how delicious the food at that cafe is. Questions can be good conversation openers as well. If you’re in a cafe setting, ask him what he thinks of certain menu items. The key here is to seem friendly and approachable, not like you’re desperate or needy.
And that comes from confidence. Confidence is the one accessory that makes anybody attractive. Despite this, many women have difficulty feeling and expressing their confidence. If you’re one of these women, attracting a man can seem like a daunting task. But the good news is this: confidence can be learned. What you need to be willing to do is put in the time to practice your confidence. Practice conversations with your girlfriends and colleagues. But don’t restrict your practice to these small circles — if you’re already comfortable talking to somebody, practicing talking to them won’t help you much. This is where making yourself approachable enters the picture. When you go to your meetup group or your paint night or your little corner cafe for lunch, be willing to talk to everyone. If you have a question, ask the person in charge. You won’t look silly or dumb, you’ll look like somebody who needs information and isn’t afraid to ask for it. Make it a habit to ask questions wherever you go and to listen for answers. You’re not talking just to talk, you’re talking to communicate with others. Becoming a strong conversationalist is one of the best ways to meet and attract men.
Patience can be the most important, and in many cases, the most difficult, skill to master when you’re in the dating market. You probably won’t meet the guy you’ll marry today. But maybe you’ll meet him next week. Or next month. Or six months from now. It’s important that you think of dating as a long-term strategy, not a quick fix. Although you certainly can have hookups if that’s what you’re looking for, if you’re looking for a long-term partner, don’t get frustrated if it doesn’t happen right away. Like a flower that can only bloom after weeks of careful maintenance, your dating life needs to be nurtured. Put time and effort into it and remember, an attractive woman is confident in herself and easy to approach.
