It’s very lucky and special to be in a relationship. You get luckier if it is the perfect one. Being yourself in a relationship indicates your relationship is strong. Your partner should be able to accept you as you are and should not impose his own expectations on you. But it does not mean you can think or say whatever you feel like. This would often put you in long arguments and difficult circumstances where you start doubting your relationship. When this thought comes up then there sure is a problem or you might be exaggerating a small issue. Most of the relationship failures are based on the communication mistakes that you do knowingly or unknowingly. Normal conversations end up in heated arguments often due to communication style.
On the other hand without arguments there is no way you can understand your partner better. So how do you argue and still achieve a strong relationship? It is possible only by the way you communicate. The main motive of an argument should not be you winning it but should be what you learn from it. Always keep in mind no matter what happens there is a bond of love between you and your partner. Also when an argument is closed never take up that topic again. If you are still wondering about the same topic, then it means the argument is still not finished. Constantly bringing up the same argument will create more distance and differences between a couple. Communicating correctly and closing the topic plays a vital role in creating a strong and healthy relationship.
Few common mistakes done while communicating is
- Acting as per the Presumptions
Any problem will have two versions, yours and your partner’s. So always be ready to listen to the other version too. Presumptions can cause confusions and you tend to stick on strictly your thoughts more than believing him. Having an open mind to listen and understand the whole point from the other person’s perspective will really help solving the issue in a better way. Also he would understand that you are ready to accept his views. That gives him an indication that the same would be preferred from his side too.
- Not making your thoughts clear with right words
Your point of view might be correct and still it is not accepted means that your communicative style is not correct. The right usage of words provides clarity on what you are trying to say. When you say “I would love it this way more” instead of “I don’t like your idea” definitely helps the couple to end up in a pleasant conversation than an argument. Making your thoughts clear will smooth out the situation avoiding tussles. Also expecting your partner to understand the unsaid words might put in a tougher situation.
- Not listening, only talking
There is no use in just talking about your own thoughts when the other person is not listening. This type of one way conversation will often lead to inbuilt negative emotions over unsolved problems. This will cause a lot anger and frustration and might lead to a bigger problem later. Always make sure you listen and your partner also does the same. When you don’t listen knowingly or unknowingly it will give a negative impression. You partner will think that you are avoiding or insulting him.
While communicating, your body language plays a critical role. When you are trying to explain your critical point while you are involved in some other physical work then it does not give the required importance to your point. Why would your partner pay attention when you are not involved both physically and mentally? Body language always provides the meaning of what you are not talking too. So it should be coherent with your conversation. Let your partner not pick up the thoughts you are not expressing by means of an incorrect body language. While speaking looking at your partner’s eyes and restricting too much of physical movements can help you gain his 100% attention
- Not setting up the boundaries
There are limits to which a person can be calm during an argument. Even in a healthy argument there are few things points which need to be taken into consideration so that the argument doesn’t move away from the right track. Mainly raising voice can cause an irritating vibration around. This will often lead to negative thought process. Also when one person is in a cranky mood, it does not give any rights to go on insulting the other. He cannot be calling you with names if you do not like it. This requires very clear communication. It’s always better to mention this to your partner then and there instead of waiting for the right circumstances to say. Words spoken at the right moment will make more sense than being silent.
- Trying to win the argument
An argument is not meant to show who has a better vocabulary. It is not a competition to have a winner at the end. It’s a communication where the couple gets to understand each other better. It should always be a win-win situation for the betterment of the both. An argument should not be creating a new atmosphere where you cannot be yourself with your partner or face each other. It should make you both more comfortable to interact since you just learnt more about each other. That’s the motive of a healthy argument.
- Speaking for your partner
You can speak for yourself but when it comes to speak for your partner it gets tough. Couples often come across such kind of situation. You need to be very sure on what your partner would be thinking to speak up confidently. In case of disagreements, both of you will get embarrassed. Moreover couples often get into arguments post such situations. It’s always better to make the partner put forth his own thoughts rather than yours. By giving importance to the other person’s view you are also indicating your respect to his ideas. This can create more togetherness and trust among the couple.
