“It’s complicated.” Many people would use this phrase with respect to their relationships with their partner. Does it have to be complicated now? No. But is it? In many cases, yes. What happens? What can make it better?
One of the few constant things in life is the need for personal space. Every individual will have different yardsticks in their minds when it comes to such a personal space. This mainly depends on the other person in the picture and the relationship between them.
Relationships are not easy. They need to be worked on. Most movies end when the boy and the girl profusely confess their undying love for each other leaving the audience to imagine that all is well. Fairy tale ending denotes the beginning of life. It is not an easy thing to love someone and have that person to love you back. But when you do have that in your life, it’s essential to keep that going. Nothing in life can be taken for granted. Especially, the presence of that special someone in your life. So, extra care must be taken to keep the relationship ticking.
Why Personal Space?
There could be many reasons for a relationship to fail. Let’s not go into the obvious reasons such as ego clash and money. One of the most overlooked factors is the lack of personal space. There is such a thing called too much familiarity. It will breed contempt. The scary part of this is that the issue is not seen until it is almost too late. By then, there are serious fights and the main cause of the problem is lost sight of.
The trick is to ensure that the encroachment of this personal space is avoided in the beginning and not done in anger and frustration. One might ask, what is the idea of being in a relationship when things are done separately and not together?
When two people come together and bond, it is more the things in common that could bring them together. It could be hobbies such as travelling or stamp collection or a common hatred towards the Republic. The point is that there could also be differences in the personality. While one might be into baseball, the other might be into the Opera. You have a choice of dragging your partner to what you know they might not like, or let them enjoy what they like alone whilst you do the same. Sometimes, it is truly better this way when you voluntarily allow some amount of personal space to come between the two of you.
Familiarity Breeds Contempt
Being in each other’s faces all the time cannot really end well. It will exhibit clinginess and possessiveness more than the eternal love that you actually want to display. Things can be construed in any manner. In such a scenario, a nice and fun boys night, out or a girls night out once in a month or so is like a breath of fresh air. This does not mean you do not love each other. This just means you love each other enough to do things apart without forcing them on each other. There is such a thing called over dependence on each other. There could be a very fine line between healthy co-dependence and overbearing. It should be conveyed nicely that personal space is to bring two people closer and not to drive them apart.
Maintaining a personal distance yet being a close and honest relationship filled with love and trust is most definitely not an easy task. But then, no one said that a relationship was easy. It is no walk in the park.
Who Needs Space?
Live-in relationships and married couples especially need this personal space more than ever. When two people spend so much time with each other and see each other first thing in the morning and last thing before sleeping, a little time apart is almost mandatory. It should not reach a point wherein the people in the relationship are dying to get away from each other. Being proactive and appreciating some alone me-time is always healthy on many levels. Finding the perfect balance is a key to a healthy and happy relationship. It is a relationship yes. But it is also true that it is made up of two different people. You do not cease to become separate individuals.
One disadvantage of having no personal time is that you tend to put all your eggs in that one basket. One fine morning you might wake up and realise that you have no life, social or otherwise. It all depends on your partner. Doing everything with your partner is more a recipe for failure than success.
Insecurity could be an issue. That is one of the obstacles that could prevent what could be the antidote to the trouble in paradise. It is a very tricky question to put out. How could you tell the other person that you want some time away from them and not make them feel unwanted and annoying? It is a big challenge to your communication skills and the intent behind the request.
Time apart can be a test of the strength of the bond. It could be a better proof of the sound relationship as opposed to how long you can stay together without wanting to kill someone. You do not want anyone in your face all the time. There is and will always be a need for personal time, privacy and freedom. All this comes under the umbrella of personal space. It could be just lying down and listening to music or going to a movie alone. The idea is to not hurt the other person when wanting some time off.
When you do ask for some personal space, it is essential to convey that it does not mean trouble is brewing. It just means what it is. Always be sure to talk about what you did during the time apart so the other person can appreciate his or her role in it too.
The idea is to look at the bigger picture. A little bit of space never hurt anyone. On the contrary. It’s funny how some distance, makes everything seems small. Distance makes the heart grow fonder.
